The Spirit of Intimacy

by

Ginaya
​Donnette

In a cute pocket-sized, manual-style text, Sobonfu Some' gives us an in-depth analysis of the cultural expectations of marriage and relationships through the lens of the Afrikan village.  In her upbringing in a small village in Burkina Faso she explains how relationships worked there.  They encompassed an environment of people who, regardless of position, were seen as either a mother/father or sister/brother.  It is a society where the village is a group of people held nearest and dear to us; those who you share your desires and hopes with and depend on for advice and counsel. 

​Some' demonstrates how for some of us lost in the diaspora we have still held on to our source of culture and societal structure in some ways.  Specifically, we include all of our family and so called extended family as very involved in our commitments including the marriage union.  For Black families topics like divorce not only effect the two people but everyone involved and it becomes a complicated ordeal partly because you are married not just to a person but to a village.  The village reminds us that to be successful in the creation and even the dissolution of bonds we must consult with those around us.

A great take away from this book was the use and importance of rituals to maintain harmony in our relationships.  Some gives detailed advice on the purpose, intention and protocol for holding rituals and the tools for preparing a sacred space and building of a shrine.  There is no set standard but there are traditional ways to invoke the spirits of your ancestors.  Most importantly, it begins with having people involved in the ritual who are also committed to the good energy that is being created.  Collectively, there is a belief that the things you wish to obtain already exist somewhere inside you.  Ultimately, the ritual helps to give you the healing energy necessary to manifest all of which you desire in your bond.